Misc. Complaints

All of your bullshit threads can go here.
Dear Hippie Girl in Grocery Store,

Thank you for following me around and ruining my shopping experience with your odor. Patchouli I can handle. The scent of your unshaven, unwashed armpits was a bit much. I've been known to skip a bath, but really, one every 3rd day will keep you smelling neutral.

You must know that, since you went as far as to shave your legs.

Regards,
MM
"the way people behave towards each other, even in minor things, is a measure of their value as human beings."--lynne truss

http://returnandfetch.blogspot.com/
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Minnesota_Mama
Mistress To Lord Byron
 

letters to persons or entities who are unlikely to respond?
cord wrote:i gotta be honest brian, i'm not all that glad to see you back. you've always treated me like shit and really, i'm not sure i have a reason to care much about you.
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clip on world
gunpowder, treason, and plot
gunpowder, treason, and plot
 

clip on world wrote:letters to persons or entities who are unlikely to respond?


yes?
i find it offers relief since it would've been inappropriate for me to say all this to her face.


Par example:

Dear Bay Bridge,

Take your time, I don't mind sitting in 20 minutes of toll plaza traffic and another 30 on the span, which makes me nervous. It's not as though the earthquake retrofit is of any great importance. You were closed over Labor Day weekend though it doesn't seem to be any different. But that's all right. When the big one hits we'll all be sure to steer clear.

Keep on Keepin' on,
MM

p.s.: raising the toll to $4 won't be much help, will it?
"the way people behave towards each other, even in minor things, is a measure of their value as human beings."--lynne truss

http://returnandfetch.blogspot.com/
User avatar
Minnesota_Mama
Mistress To Lord Byron
 

Dear Neighbors,

why did you lock our storage building? thats where the lawn mower is and i dont have a key, which you are aware of, are you fucking with me?

-jamie
User avatar
dusty
venomous
 

Last edited by clip on world on 13 Sep 2006, 3:25 pm, edited 1 time in total.
cord wrote:i gotta be honest brian, i'm not all that glad to see you back. you've always treated me like shit and really, i'm not sure i have a reason to care much about you.
User avatar
clip on world
gunpowder, treason, and plot
gunpowder, treason, and plot
 

dear cube neighbor:

please turn your cellular phone off when you decide to leave it in your cube, next to the fucking paper thin wall which is next to my fucking head, which is most likely to explode if it hears that fucking baseball ditty again.

truly
sadie

p.s. BTW, You are fucking pussy whipped
User avatar
sadie
cock whisperer
 

clip on world wrote:http://www.mcsweeneys.net/links/openletters/


i refuse to feed the Eggers Machine until he pays me.

Dear Dave Eggers,

I like your work, and respect your efforts with 826 Valencia and other branches. I want to sincerely thank you for taking some of my favorite new authors and entangling them in your cult. Jonathan Safran Foer could've done well on his 2nd book---but you couldn't leave him alone, could you? Zadie Smith, too! I can't wait to see who you'll get next.

In faith and Word,
MM

P.S.: thanks for making the rest of us writers who aren't in a clique feel left out. You ROCK!

P.S.S.: you do all right with The Believer. I like that one.
"the way people behave towards each other, even in minor things, is a measure of their value as human beings."--lynne truss

http://returnandfetch.blogspot.com/
User avatar
Minnesota_Mama
Mistress To Lord Byron
 

Minnesota_Mama wrote:
clip on world wrote:http://www.mcsweeneys.net/links/openletters/


i refuse to feed the Eggers Machine until he pays me.

Dear Dave Eggers,

I like your work, and respect your efforts with 826 Valencia and other branches. I want to sincerely thank you for taking some of my favorite new authors and entangling them in your cult. Jonathan Safran Foer could've done well on his 2nd book---but you couldn't leave him alone, could you? Zadie Smith, too! I can't wait to see who you'll get next.

In faith and Word,
MM

P.S.: thanks for making the rest of us writers who aren't in a clique feel left out. You ROCK!

P.S.S.: you do all right with The Believer. I like that one.


Eggers wrote one of my favorite books.
User avatar
AS
ROOSTERSHARK
 

Minnesota_Mama wrote:The scent of your unshaven armpits


http://www.troubledsouls.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=5913

:wink:
1/2faithfull wrote:
sherpahigh wrote:Don't you have a wife?

shes too busy blowing me all the time to sit around and soak messed up muffin tins
User avatar
Jim
James
 

Minnesota_Mama wrote:
clip on world wrote:http://www.mcsweeneys.net/links/openletters/


i refuse to feed the Eggers Machine until he pays me.

Dear Dave Eggers,

I like your work, and respect your efforts with 826 Valencia and other branches. I want to sincerely thank you for taking some of my favorite new authors and entangling them in your cult. Jonathan Safran Foer could've done well on his 2nd book---but you couldn't leave him alone, could you? Zadie Smith, too! I can't wait to see who you'll get next.

In faith and Word,
MM

P.S.: thanks for making the rest of us writers who aren't in a clique feel left out. You ROCK!

P.S.S.: you do all right with The Believer. I like that one.

The Believer is mostly his wife, i think. but i don't really get the body of your letter.
cord wrote:i gotta be honest brian, i'm not all that glad to see you back. you've always treated me like shit and really, i'm not sure i have a reason to care much about you.
User avatar
clip on world
gunpowder, treason, and plot
gunpowder, treason, and plot
 

clip on world wrote:
Minnesota_Mama wrote:
clip on world wrote:http://www.mcsweeneys.net/links/openletters/


i refuse to feed the Eggers Machine until he pays me.

Dear Dave Eggers,

I like your work, and respect your efforts with 826 Valencia and other branches. I want to sincerely thank you for taking some of my favorite new authors and entangling them in your cult. Jonathan Safran Foer could've done well on his 2nd book---but you couldn't leave him alone, could you? Zadie Smith, too! I can't wait to see who you'll get next.

In faith and Word,
MM

P.S.: thanks for making the rest of us writers who aren't in a clique feel left out. You ROCK!

P.S.S.: you do all right with The Believer. I like that one.

The Believer is mostly his wife, i think. but i don't really get the body of your letter.



the thing i don't like about mcsweeney's is that it has become a bit of a pretentious, elitist cult. Such that they all start to write the same and use the same general tactics. Not that these things are bad, but I feel it lacks indviduality. Jonathan Safran Foer's recent book, "Extremely Loud and Uncomfortably Close" follows about the same format as Eggers' You Shall Know Our Velocity

which is fine, imitation = compliment and whatever, but in the particular case of JSF, whose first novel is brilliant, this made me a bit sad.


I do like Eggers' writing and his community outreach, don't get me wrong. I just dont like the cultish feel.

/end rant.
"the way people behave towards each other, even in minor things, is a measure of their value as human beings."--lynne truss

http://returnandfetch.blogspot.com/
User avatar
Minnesota_Mama
Mistress To Lord Byron
 

Minnesota_Mama wrote:
clip on world wrote:
Minnesota_Mama wrote:
clip on world wrote:http://www.mcsweeneys.net/links/openletters/


i refuse to feed the Eggers Machine until he pays me.

Dear Dave Eggers,

I like your work, and respect your efforts with 826 Valencia and other branches. I want to sincerely thank you for taking some of my favorite new authors and entangling them in your cult. Jonathan Safran Foer could've done well on his 2nd book---but you couldn't leave him alone, could you? Zadie Smith, too! I can't wait to see who you'll get next.

In faith and Word,
MM

P.S.: thanks for making the rest of us writers who aren't in a clique feel left out. You ROCK!

P.S.S.: you do all right with The Believer. I like that one.

The Believer is mostly his wife, i think. but i don't really get the body of your letter.



the thing i don't like about mcsweeney's is that it has become a bit of a pretentious, elitist cult. Such that they all start to write the same and use the same general tactics. Not that these things are bad, but I feel it lacks indviduality. Jonathan Safran Foer's recent book, "Extremely Loud and Uncomfortably Close" follows about the same format as Eggers' You Shall Know Our Velocity

which is fine, imitation = compliment and whatever, but in the particular case of JSF, whose first novel is brilliant, this made me a bit sad.


I do like Eggers' writing and his community outreach, don't get me wrong. I just dont like the cultish feel.

/end rant.

ah, yes. i suppose could do with the quarterly not containing a story where the characters

---speak to each other in dialog
---that looks like this

in every single issue.

but that's a minor quibble, for me, when there's also some fantastic stuff in every issue, even the ones that only have like four stories.

at the risk of sounding like an apologist, wouldn't it be jsf's fault if his latest novel is derivative of 'you shall know our velocity' (which, incidentally, i didn't much dig on)?
cord wrote:i gotta be honest brian, i'm not all that glad to see you back. you've always treated me like shit and really, i'm not sure i have a reason to care much about you.
User avatar
clip on world
gunpowder, treason, and plot
gunpowder, treason, and plot
 

Dear thread,

This is weirdo.

Your pal.

ZIYM
User avatar
zut
In Your Mouth
 

zut wrote:Dear thread,

This is weirdo.

Your pal.

ZIYM


Srsly
User avatar
AS
ROOSTERSHARK
 

Dear Library on the San Francisco Campus,

Why don't you have the book I need? Furthermore, why are said copies of such book on the Oakland Campus, which I have no time to visit?

Irritated,
MM.


Dear Everyone Else,
MM is a wierdo
henceforth
this thread is wierdo.

yrs,
MM
"the way people behave towards each other, even in minor things, is a measure of their value as human beings."--lynne truss

http://returnandfetch.blogspot.com/
User avatar
Minnesota_Mama
Mistress To Lord Byron
 

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